I think at some point, I said that I hoped that I would post here regularly.
Well. I think anyone can see that that’s not gonna happen.
At first, I had lofty plans (as if posting regularly isn’t ambitious enough) to post only stuff related to research and teaching. This is my UTM page after all. However… if I write random thoughts like this, writing here would be more enjoyable and sustainable. I feel that a lot of my thoughts are related to research, teaching, or life in general. So it’s still applicable, no?
And if it isn’t… who cares? I doubt many (if any) would bother to read these writings, anyway.
About two years ago I think, I started using a planner to keep everything more organised. I never needed to when I was younger, but I suppose starting as a lecturer in UTM, tasks were aplenty and things were getting out of hand.
So I was scrolling around, looking at bullet journal layouts. Then I saw that some people keep a “Gratitude” page. It’s a page where you write what you’re grateful for every day. At the time, I thought to myself: Just what would one have to be grateful for that is different each day? Isn’t it the same; being grateful for your health, and stuff like that?
The thing is, just like when you’re writing reflections (something that we teach first years to do in our Introduction to Engineering course — hey, look! Something related to teaching came up after all), actually writing helps you think and realise more deeply about many things that you might not notice, or are just there in your subconscious. It helps bring a lot of stuff forth and makes you think about it. That’s why it’s called a reflection!
Not that writing a reflection is the only way to do it. Sometimes something happens that triggers you to reflect. Or something someone said. Sometimes it happens in the shower. For me, one of the times I can reflect most is before I fall asleep — but I’m trying to avoid it, because I tend to start thinking a lot and consequently have trouble falling asleep!
I still don’t know if I have different things to be grateful for every single day, but I know I am grateful that I’m continued to be blessed with the same things every day. My health, for sure. Having a job. My family, especially my parents. My friends. But sometimes I think about one of these things in a slightly different light, and it deepens my appreciation for them.
A while ago, I’ve been talking to someone who (in my opinion, at least) is unaware of how they respond when being criticised. I think it’s perfectly normal to be defensive when you’re being critised. That would be the automatic response for most people. Like a reflex. And I think that’s fine, as long as you do listen, and really think about it afterwards. The problem lies in being in denial, or brushing off criticism. Or, in this case, pretend they didn’t hear or read it.
So, in regards to this particular person, I tried critisising as gently as I can, but gave up in the end. I am not writing this to shame them, or anyone for that matter. It’s just that it made me wonder; how do I respond to criticism?
It’s not easy to be objective about yourself, so I started thinking about asking a few people who have criticised me before. And that is when I realised. It’s not easy to criticise someone, especially someone you’re not very close to. From what I’ve observed, many people prefer to talk behind other’s backs, or simply tolerate others’ shortcomings. Why? Because criticism is pointing out someone’s flaws, and pointing out someone’s flaws makes both parties feel horrible and awkward! It’s so much easier and more comfortable to push the criticism under the rug, just tolerate it, and maybe complain about it to other people. That way, it’s also easier to maintain good relationships with others. Not everyone takes well to criticism (myself included).
Yet, when I was trying to think of the people who have criticised me before, there was quite a number of them! The criticisms are not always serious issues. Small annoyances, or tiny habits that could do with some improvement on my part. So, for some reason, people feel comfortable being forthright and offering me criticisms, allowing me a chance to better myself. I’m not sure why, but I am grateful to have people who care enough about making me a better person to point things out to me. I may respond by being defensive on the get-go, but rest assured that I usually reflect upon it afterwards, and try to change if I feel like I should.
If you’ve somehow made it to the end of this post, I applaud you! Here’s some food for thought;
- Have you criticised others before? Was it someone close to you? If you have, how did it feel? Was it difficult to criticise others, or was it easy or maybe satisfying even?
- Have you been criticised by others? How did you feel and react to it? Did you think about it and did you make any effort to change afterwards? Do you resent the person who criticised you?
- If you’ve never received criticism before, why do you think that is? Is it because you’re perfect? Or… is it because of how you respond to criticism?