Could you be the object of jealousy or envy from your business partners, colleagues, or even your friends? If you’re focused on working toward your own goals, you might not notice if others around you are going green when they look at your status and achievements. But if you look for them, there are signs that can tell you when someone is feeling envious of you. It’s smart to pay attention to these signs so you can handle your friend or colleague’s jealousy wisely–before it grows into something that could damage your working relationship, or worse.
You’ve just made a huge sale, gotten a plum assignment, or won an industry award. You tell your friend, business partner, or colleague your good news. But your colleague or friend doesn’t react the way you expected and something about that person’s response seems off. Could he or she be envious of your success? Here are some signs to watch for.
Downplaying your success.
Whatever plum job or deal you’ve gotten, your friend will find a reason why it’s not so great. This happened to me years ago when I won a contract to write a book for a business book series. A friend of mine who was also a business writer tried to talk me out of signing the contract, arguing that I should be getting a better deal. She even posted a message to a professional group we both belonged to, saying that I was “starry-eyed” about the deal I’d gotten and inviting others to help her talk me out of it. (No one did.)
Questioning how you got there.
This can be subtle since whenever you announce a big win to your friends or colleagues, they’ll naturally want you to tell them how you made it happen. But if you pay attention, you may notice that some of these questions have a subtext: Why you and not me? For example, someone may wonder out loud if you had a special advantage, such as a family connection or an existing friendship that helped you get where you are.
Responding to your good news by talking about their own accomplishments.
This too can be subtle, because most people like to talk about themselves and would likely rather tell you what they’ve been up to than listen to you talk about yourself. But if someone changes the subject to something he or she is doing as soon as you’ve shared your good news, that’s a likely indication of feeling envious.
What should you do about it?
Correctly handling other people’s jealousy is very tricky. It’s natural enough to feel angry at someone who’s acting jealous of you, but do your best to let that go. I’m willing to bet that at some time or another, you’ve felt envious of someone else’s achievements. And if you think back to that time, you’ll remember how awful it felt. There’s no point in trying to punish people who are acting jealous of you–they’re already punishing themselves more than you ever could.
Instead, be compassionate. If they’re downplaying your achievement or reminding you of past failures, don’t take the bait and defend yourself. Instead, laugh at yourself, agree with their assessment, or just say nothing at all. If you’re feeling angry, keep in mind that your non-response is likely to frustrate an envious person more than anything else you could do.
And if they switch the conversation over to their own accomplishments, be gracious about it. Ask questions about whatever they’ve achieved and give them genuine praise. Doing this could help defuse their envy and make for a better relationship, and that benefits everyone. Meantime, don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back. If your accomplishments make your friends and co-workers jealous, you must be doing something right.
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