In this age of cyber communications and digital living, parents need to gear up and match the strides of development. The old recipe of Parenting needs added flavours to be relevant today. Finding and managing these added flavours are not easy tasks. It takes a village to raise a child. It the same vein, it takes a strong collective to ensure every child is safe online.
Recently, I was invited to give a short talk on this topic. I share with you the information here.
The fact is, we love technology. I love technology. Technology is not evil. But misusing technology, especially with evil intent, can lead to negative results. This talk is not about banning tech, but more on a positive and safe co-existence of everyone involved.
Some facts
Studies have shown that our kids today develop physically at a higher rate than maturity. Their body develops faster than their mind, than their common sense. They may look like an adult, but they don’t think like one. This make it even harder for us, when there are predators who take advantage of this and try to trap our kids.
When a child is growing, they have different needs and requirements. When they were little kids, they want to be like their parents. They try to emulate their parents in everything. They are eager to show you stuff they made or ate or did. There is a little ‘hero worship’ going on. It takes a lot of your time and attention as parents during this time. When they want to talk to you, share with you – make the time to do so. This way, they will always want to talk and share with you. If you decide, consciously or not, to not share this time (be it because you are tired, or have work to do, or news is important…), you may find that they don’t want to listen to you or even share their happiness, worries, anxiety with you. Instead they turn to the people who provides what I call ‘pseudo-caring’. They may go to a YouTube channel or a chat room online where the predators are willing to listen to them and give them advice (usually very bad ones).
Recently, I came across a video on Youtube that I found quite disturbing. The girl who owns the channel talks about fashion and stuff. Whats the problem then? She was really, really, really thin. She was anorexic, in denial of the fact (IMHO) and her channel has over 1 million subscribers. In my head was the question, “what if she is the go to person a kid goes to for what is fashionable and in trend?”. What if there are kids anywhere who were starving themselves to look like her? This is only one example. Be the go-to person for your kids. Don’t give up that position for some anonymous online celebrity.
Kids in their teens will start the journey of discovery, of the “who am i really?”. Their circle of friends are wider, there are more things influencing them from friends, music, movies, gaming and so on. This is the time you, the parents, get the usual “you don’t understand” script. Kids will explore, no doubt about it. But you can help them with how they explore. Either you guide them (guide, not dictate); or somebody (or a whole bunch of somebodies) will.
You are as much of an example to your kids as their friends and their environment. If you don’t walk the walk, they may lose respect and you may lose them. If you have a rule set, you too should follow it. Kids appreciate it when you include them and be part of the everyday things. If you say no devices at the dinner table, you don’t have yours either. Be a model of good behaviour.
You can download the slides here.
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