“How many times have you committed suicide?”
“Were you alone or by yourself?”
“Was it you or your brother who was killed?”
“Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next.”
“Was that the same nose you broke as a child?”
“Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”

From The Dumb Book (Reader’s Digest Books)

“Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbageman,” he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary !!!

Dear Bo$$,

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including$ weat and $ervice to your company .

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon .

Your$ $incerely,

Marian $hih

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply :

Dear Marian,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet .

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

Yours truly,
Manager..

“I was waiting for my flight in a lounge. I bought potato crisps and took a seat.
I opened the crisps container and took a crisp. As soon as I did that, a man next to me took a crisp out of my pack !
Puzzled and annoyed, I took another crisp. So did he !
I took another one. At that point, he offered me my bag of crisps!
“Unbelievable!” said I and rushed to my gate, very annoyed.
When I took a seat finally in the plane, I discovered an unopened bag of crisps in my purse ! I realized I was eating that kind man’s crisps !”

Not sure whose story it is, but it is pure gold.
Do you agree ?

2 things r Extremely difficult
-To plant ur idea in someone’s head
-To plant someone’s money in ur own pocket

The 1 who succeeds in both is Called WIFE

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
Jim Henson

“When women go wrong, men go right after them.”

Mae West

“It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets.”

Voltaire

“The only threesome I’ve ever experienced is with Pantene 2 in 1.”

Josh Stern

“So, what if you are not naturally funny? Don’t get discouraged. Do your research, gather ideas, and find your fun. Seek ways to laugh. Not only will doing this provide you with new material for making a great first impression, but laughter will bring you personal delight and satisfaction. Putting a smile on someone’s face is one of the best gifts you can deliver.”

Susan C. Young