A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.

Boy: Why do you look so fat?

Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.

Boy: Is it a good baby?

Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.

Boy: Then why did you eat it?

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven.”

Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Six.”

Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”

Johnny: “Seven!”

Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”

Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

Soderling, the star college halfback, was taking a math exam.

The coach desperately needed him to play in the college game on Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him an oral exam.

“All right,” said the prof. “How many degrees are there in a circle?”

“Uh, depends,” said the boy. “How big is that there circle?”

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked,

“Why are you home so early?”

He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.”

She said, “Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?”

Jtimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?'”

Son: “Dad, when will I be old enough so I don’t have to ask mom for her permission to go out?”

Dad: “Son, even I haven’t grown old enough to go out without her permission!”

Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”

He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”