1 June 2024 (Saturday) – 24 Zulkaedah 1446. It is a day that I would remember for years to come. Had his friend did not come to meet him for lunch, I could not imagine when we would realize his passing. His friend, Mr O came around 1130ish and when he knocked on the door, there was a complete silent. He had tried to contact my brother few days before (when we looked at my brother’s phone, there were a trail of WhatsApp messages between my brother and him. The last message which my brother replied was a week before we found him). It was unusual that my brother would not open the door, especially upon hearing Mr O’s voice. This raised an alarm and thus Mr O decided to call my eldest sister. The only person in my family that he could contact other than my brother.
My sister just came back from Kelas Tahsin (Quranic class) around 12pm when she received the call. She could see Mr O’s car parked nearby my brother’s house. Mr O asked if my sister has spare keys to my brother’s house that she can use to open the front door. My sister took the spare keys from our home without suspecting anything amiss. She was shocked when she smelled something “weird” as she opened the door. Without looking where my brother was laying, she ran back home and shouted frantically calling her husband. I remember hearing her screaming even from my room but I did not suspect anything. But I grudgingly forced myself to get off the bed and come out from my room. From this point onwards, I felt numb and things seemed automated. Grabbed the spare keys -> went to his house -> after seeing him laying on the floor -> went back to my home-> called my other brother who lives in KL (could not reach him at first, called his wife who immediately answered) -> called my aunt (my mom’s younger sister) who lives in Pulai Perdana -> messaged my brother’s adult children (my nephew and nieces) and waited for the next step. Around this time, my eldest sister and her husband already went to the police station to make a report. Before she went to the police station, she instructed me and my other sister, “Do not do anything yet. We need to make a report first”. While waiting for her to come back, it was Zuhr, so I prayed first because things would become hectic and I might miss my Zuhr prayer.
Around 230pm, some neighbors had started to come. A relative to my first ex-sister in law (my brother married twice and both ended in divorce) arrived with her husband and son. Upon seeing them, I just told them that it would take a while to settle the matters and they did not stay long because there was nothing much can be done. This was an unique situation.
Then, my eldest sister who came back from the police station informed us that we needed to call the ambulance to get formal declaration of death before making a police report (she already called the ambulance on her way back from the police station). At this point with nothing seemed to be done yet, it was difficult for stay focused but I reminded myself, I needed to stay calm, no matter what. Not long after that (it took around 20-30 minutes for the ambulance to arrive, but it seemed ages), the ambulance arrived and the medical personnel filled out a form and handed the form to us and told us to bring the form to the police station again. There was no need for postmortem since it was not considered as a crime.
The information that I have read before in the news seems illogical. Wait a minute! Why does it different this time around? Normally, once the body was found in that condition, the police will come and there would be a postmortem etc. But that was not the case. What we had to do: get death confirmation from the medical personnel -> make a police report using a form provided by the medical personnel -> inform the village person in charge to settle the burial matters. Since it was a unique case, the imam who came by after Asr prayer told one of my brother-in-laws that no one was willing to do the preparation (bathing etc.). I was too numb to respond upon hearing this. My other sister contacted her old schoolmate (Mr M) who happens to be well-trained in this matter and asked if he was willing and available to do the preparation. Alhamdulillah he was available and gave an assuring remark to my sister “Jangan risau. Aku kan kerja mandikan jenazah kat HSI. In Sha Allah aku boleh tolong“. The whole process was done by him with the help of my sister’s husband, their son and another two friends of my brother. It seemed endless waiting for this to settle.
Alhamdulillah around 6pm, everything was settled and the burial process would be done after Isya’. My other brother arrived from KL a few minutes before maghrib (due to a long public holiday on 3 June 2024, the traffic was heavy. Even though he departed from Kl around 1pm, but managed to arrive around maghrib). Upon seeing him, I hugged him tight and I cried for the first time while hugging him. He is the only brother that I have now. He remained calm while softly patting me on the back. He looked at my brother’s jenazah in the living room with sad eyes. The only brother that he had was no longer alive. The last time they met was last year (January 2023) at one of my cousins’ wedding. They did not had a long chat. It was a usual thing for them.
For me, the last time I saw my brother was still alive was a week or so. I just arrived home around 6pm and saw him riding his motorcycle to go somewhere. He seemed struggling to keep his balance while riding uneven lane near the main gate. In my mind, I reminded myself, “When the semester ends, I will cement the uneven part”. The lane remains unchanged until now (as I wrote this). The last time we had conversation was on 4th day of Eid Fitr when my cousins came for a visit. My brother and I had a little “moment” in which he claimed that the handphone and data plan that my sister and I gave him were incompatible. For the first time in my life, he did something. We (my eldest sister, my cousins and I) were shocked upon seeing him doing that. I am his sister. How could he do that to me? But I was too surprised to react normally. The last word I said to him was “Mutual” when he said that I am a disrespectful person. I did not know in what way I disrespected him. Is it wrong to change his old handphone and pre-paid data plan to postpaid? (I am the one who pay the postpaid fees). He never said anything to my other sister when they sat in the kitchen on the 1st day of Eid Fitr.
Why did he mad at me? This is a question that I never know and at this point, it is meaningless to speculate. But when I think back, it was around 40 days before he passed away. Biologically, he was changing and thus it reflected in his behavior. His incoherent thoughts and sudden outburst of anger are some of the indicators that I failed to detect. I believe Allah Knoweth the best. Perhaps it is a gentle reminder that what I have learned in psychology is never enough to understand human behavior.