The news that I received last Friday makes me think about values that perhaps I overlook while teaching. I taught him when he was in form 4 in 2018. A soft spoken guy with high regards and respect towards the teachers. I had a one-to-one moment with him in 2019 when he just needed someone to discuss some issues. Being an outsider who happened to be his teacher, he feels that I am the right person to discuss those issues.
Ita told me that he has changed. Well, people change, right? But it is not the change that any teacher would ever wish for. He changes his “physical appearance”. Looking at his current appearance, people might have difficulty to guess that he was from a religious school. Well, in this case, I could resonate with his stance. I was in the same phase before. I tried to discard any traces as being a former student of a religious school. Learning Arabic language and literature, memorising certain Surahs from the Quran and taking two examinations (SMU and Syahadah) while I was in form 4 are a part of my learning journey but there was a point in my life that I do not want people to know that. Well, somehow people know sooner or later when can I fairly score well on Arabic courses. Things cannot be hidden forever, I guess. When some of my university friends knew about it and said “I can never guess you come from a religious school because you do not look like one“, I felt proud because I had successfully change my identity. But the reality is far from what I have thought and planned. I should feel ashamed that I do not practice what I have learned, right? But I did not feel that way that time. All those hadith and surahs that I learn and memorise should not be gone to the drain, right?.
Now, I am older (and hopefully wiser than my younger self), and with some psychology theories that I learn, I know that it is just a phase. According to Erik Erikson, teenagers will experience crisis as they explore their independence and develop a sense of self and each individual is different. Some might resolve the crisis earlier, whereas some even struggle to resolve in late adolescence.
But the question that I failed to realise when I was around his age was, “Do I have time to change before it is too late?” Time is subjective. Since we do not know when we will die, we should be extra careful with the things that we do, right? The older me can see that but the younger me saw it differently. The younger me was bold, daring and rebellious with the thinking that I have all the time in the world if I wish to change.
As his teacher, at this point, I just pray that he will be guided towards the right direction. This is just a phase. Perhaps a phase that will lead him to be a better person. I just hope that Allah Grants the best blessing and time for him to change for the better.