Category: Random rambling

Keeping myself motivated to complete “dreadful tasks”

This is just my personal reflection. It is not meant to be used as a definitive suggestion or advice. It is far from that. Writing (nonsense rambling? reflection?) is one way that I find therapeutic when things become overwhelming and I need to “pause”, take a breather before continue doing what I need to do.

When I discussed with my friend about certain conundrum that I am having, one of the things that I will try to manage is the way I reframe my mindset. It is not easy to change my mindset but at least to manage it to certain extent is what I can do at any given time. This is what psychologists called as “break the dread“. This is when instead of thinking “I hate this,” try to reframe it into “This is challenging, but I’ll feel great/ relief once it’s done.” Reframing also involves focusing on the purpose. In this case, I would remind myself why the task matters. Is it part of a bigger goal? Will it relieve stress once done? Is it worth doing?

Another thing that I (religiously do) is to break the tasks down into manageable chunk or divide the task into small, manageable steps. I will use a checklist to track progress and personally, it gives me a sense of accomplishment with each tick. If ad hoc matters arise while I am working on a task, regardless of how urgent or important they may seem to others, I set them aside unless I personally perceive them as both urgent and important, in which case I add them to the checklist.

I also try to condition myself on using Time-Based Techniques such as Pomodoro Technique: Work for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. I use stop watch for this matter but setting a timer and to commit is not easy. Indeed. Often, starting is the hardest part. But I have to force myself to set a timer for the tasks that I do. For example, in writing this blog, I set a timer of 30 minutes without distraction. With distraction (e.g. answering a call etc.) I gave myself an additional 15 to 20 minutes to complete one post.

Another thing that I will do is to tell others about my goal or task. This is to inform them so that I can minimise the distractions (aka a gentle reminder to remind them that “Buzz off for a while. Don’t disturb me. I am on something at the moment“) and also to create a sense of accountability which can boost my motivation. I know it would be better to have some to work alongside me to “create” a sense of shared effort but I do not want to impose anyone on my “personal journey”.

Finally, there is nothing wrong to reward myself after completing each task. Normally, I will set mini goals and big goals. For big goals, the reward is also bigger (uhuk uhuk expensive). What is the most expensive reward that I ever gave to myself? Well, there are many. The most common rewards that I give to myself are quite simple: a cup of tea, a short walk, or watching a favorite show on Netflix aka documentaries.

How Moral Disengagement explain Bullying?

Why does bullying difficult to be stopped/ controlled? With the current issues going on about bullying (refer to Almarhumah Zara Qairina and others), one could not help from thinking, why does bullying persist?

There are many psychological theories can explain why bullying happens. But at this moment, I will focus on one theory aka Moral disengagement theory by Albert Bandura to explain why individuals engage in bullying behavior without feeling guilt or shame. According to Bandura’s theory, people use psychological mechanisms to disconnect their actions from their moral standards, allowing them to justify or minimize the harm they cause. Here’s how each of the eight mechanisms can apply to bullying:

1. Moral Justification

Bullies may believe their actions “serve” a purpose, such as enforcing social norms or teaching someone a lesson.
Example: “They deserved it for being weird” or “I was just helping them toughen up” or “I have been in the same situation and I turn out alright. So, by doing this, I help them to be resilient” or “Saya pun pernah kena juga macam ni dulu. Bila saya buat dia macam ni, saya membantu dia sebenarnya supaya menjadi lebih tabah”

2. Euphemistic Labeling

Using softer language to describe harmful behavior makes it seem less serious.
Example: Calling bullying “just teasing” or “messing around.” or “Biasa la budak-budak bergurau je tu“.

3. Advantageous Comparison

Comparing their behavior to worse actions to make it seem acceptable.
Example: “At least I didn’t hit them” or “Others do way worse.” “Dia buat lagi teruk dari aku”

4. Displacement of Responsibility

Blaming authority figures or peer pressure for their actions.
Example: “The group made me do it” or “The teacher didn’t stop it, so it must be okay.” or “Aku bukan nak sangat pukul dia. Orang lain yang suruh aku”

5. Diffusion of Responsibility

Spreading the blame across a group to reduce personal accountability.
Example: “We all laughed at them and it wasn’t just me.” or “I am just doing what others are doing”

6. Disregard or Distortion of Consequences

Minimizing the impact of their actions on the victim.
Example: “They’re just being dramatic” or “It didn’t really hurt them.” or “I just hit him/her once. It is not that painful as compared to falling down on your own” or “Ala benda kecik je pun nak dibesarkan”

7. Dehumanization

Seeing the victim as less worthy of empathy or respect.
Example: Using derogatory names or labels that strip away the victim’s humanity. “Gendut, kau kena terima memang kau gendut. Aku bukan panggil kau gendut kalau kau tak gendut“

8. Attribution of Blame

Blaming the victim for the bullying.
Example: “They brought it on themselves” or “If they weren’t so annoying, I wouldn’t have done it.” or “She likes to show off. She is the one who starts this”

The Oyster and the Pearl: An Analogy for Resilience

In the vastness of the ocean, hidden beneath waves and sediment, lives a humble creature, the oyster. Often overlooked, its significance goes beyond its simple appearance. Within its rough, weathered shell lies a lesson in resilience that speaks profoundly to the human experience.

The life of an oyster is not gentle. It survives in unpredictable waters, often polluted and turbulent environment. It clings to rocks or reefs, exposed to the shifting tides, predators, and debris. Occasionally, a foreign irritant such as a grain of sand, a fragment of shell, or a parasite would slip past its shell. This intrusion is not merely inconvenient; it is painful, potentially threatening the oyster’s survival.

And yet, the oyster does not collapse. It does not reject the pain, nor can it flee from it. Instead, it endures. This is the first step in resilience: surviving.

To survive is not to thrive, but it is to remain, to breathe, to hold on in the face of discomfort. In our own lives, we too face these intrusions. Toxic environments, challenging relationships, chronic stress, or internal battles with self-doubt and grief would quietly enter our minds and hearts without invitation. And like the oyster, we can feel the sting, the raw irritation of something that does not belong. But survival means staying afloat despite it, acknowledging the pain without letting it consume us. Embracing the uncomfortable feeling, stressful situations and never ending challenges is a part of the process of surviving. But survival is only the beginning.

The oyster, in its wisdom, does not remain passive. It begins a quiet act of transformation. Around the intruder, it secretes layer upon layer of nacre, which is a smooth, luminous substance. It coats the irritant, not once, but again and again, with patience and intention. The process takes time. Days. Weeks. Sometimes years. What it is doing, in essence, is striving through responding to adversity with action, with creativity, with endurance.

We, too, have this capacity. Striving is when we begin to actively cope with hardship. It is when we learn to breathe through anxiety, to speak when silence becomes toxic, or to seek help when the weight is too much to carry alone. It is not always dramatic. Often, it is quiet: journaling through grief, showing up to work when the heart is heavy, setting boundaries, or simply deciding to begin again. Each of these actions is a layer of nacre around our pain. And then, something remarkable happens.

Over time, the very thing that once threatened the oyster’s peace becomes something beautiful, which is a pearl. Not in spite of the pain, but because of it. The oyster has transformed adversity into something of value, something admired by others, yet born of deep struggle. This is the final phase of resilience: thriving.

Thriving does not mean the absence of difficulty. Rather, it is when we rise with insight and strength from what once tried to break us. It is the transformation of scars into stories, wounds into wisdom. We begin to recognize the ways pain has shaped our compassion, how loss has deepened our appreciation for life, how adversity has forced us to grow in ways comfort never could.

In thriving, we discover that resilience is not about returning to who we were before the storm but becoming someone stronger, more aware, and more whole.

The pearl teaches us that we can find beauty in the brokenness, not by denying the pain, but by engaging with it and transforming it. Just as the oyster responds to the irritant with creation, so can we turn our hardships into strength, our wounds into wisdom, and our struggles into stories of survival.

In each of us lies that same potential to survive, to strive, and ultimately, to thrive.

And in doing so, we find the pearl within.

Thank you, Dr Muhd Kamil Ibrahim

I met him in a conference in Glasgow in 2010 when I was a PhD student at Durham University. He came to the conference to accompany his wife who presented a paper based on her Masters research. One of the vivid memories of him during the conference was he was carrying their sleeping daughter on a way back to their hotel. Our eyes met for a while and he smiled with his tired eyes. Coming all the way from Malaysia was not easy especially with a small child. At that time, I already knew him. He already published his famous book “Travelog Haji: Mengubah sempadan iman” and I have read his book which I borrowed from a friend. Reading his book consoles me, as I was unable to perform hajj in 2010, despite having received a letter from Tabung Haji.

I met him the second time when he came to UTM in 2019 to deliver a talk. I remember him saying that when writing a book, it is challenging if we do not give it a try. When some attendees remarked on how time-consuming writing could be, he replied, “Think about how others might benefit from what we write.” His words resonated deeply, reminding us that writing is not just about self-expression but also about contributing to the lives of others. It was a perspective that transformed how I viewed the purpose of writing, not simply fulfilling KPIs.

After the talk, I bought one of his books and asked him to autograph it for a student of mine who was unwell and had wished to meet him. When I mentioned that the autograph was for someone else, he looked at me with a twinkle in his eyes and asked, “Don’t you want my autograph too?” I smiled and told him that meeting him in person was a far greater privilege and honor than having his signature while giving another book for him to sign. His books are deeply inspiring and humbling, serving as powerful tools for his dakwah (spiritual outreach). That encounter left me pondering: What is my tool for dakwah?

He is a special person. A unique individual blessed by Allah with the ability to write and touch the hearts of others through his works. Some of my friends who know him and his family personally, particularly Kak Roza (his wife), have posted on Facebook that they have inspired and made a difference in the lives of so many people in a variety of ways. Getting the news about the passing of a unique person like him is not easy to fathom.

Last Friday, I came across a post from his wife, requesting anyone who read it to recite Surah Ar-Ra’d. Her words conveyed the gravity of his condition. I prayed fervently that Allah would bless him with the honor of passing away on the best of days—Friday. Yet, Allah’s plans are always better. He passed away on Tuesday 14 January 2025. Al fatihah.

Quiet quitting

There are times when I feel overwhelmed with things around me and I admit that I have difficulty to reorganise those things according to priorities. What I normally do is, I will categorise things accordingly based on urgency and importance. But I will remind myself those urgency and importance should be related to what is really matters to my identity as a Muslim and how it will impact my relationship with Allah. This is challenging. Every time.

This is already October, another two months before we reach the end of 2024. What have I done so far this year?

Off lately, I find myself just do a minimum without caring going extra miles to do something. This is especially relating to things which are instructed by others which I have to do. I have been wondering what is the cause of this even though I can guess. I remind myself that I should not rely on my guess without concrete reasons to avoid su’u zahn (opposite of husn zahn). While listening to a radio this morning (17 October 2024), the radio DJs talked about “quiet quitting“. It is a term to refer to a phenomenon at a workplace where its employees just do bare minimum required in their job, without the motivation of doing more than what is required. It does not mean the employees are demotivated to do their job well, it is just they do what is required. Nothing more, nothing less. The thoughts of “why should I do more?”, “why should I care to go extra miles to contribute?”, “if other people do not care, why should I care?” would always linger as a subconscious reminder which leads this phenomenon to thrive.

No doubt we have to adapt to changes that happen around us. Yet, to balance between the needs and wants are not easy. We need to do our job well and protect our mental health and personal time. Quiet quitting is when we do all that without formally resigning. In this case, it serves as a coping mechanism of finding balance in life and perhaps can be seen as a personal assertion between work and personal life.

I do not know what else to write here. To end this post, I asked ChatGPT to compose a poem based on what I have written above. Enjoy!

The world surrounds, a sea of demands,
Urgency whispers, yet slips through my hands.
I stand overwhelmed, priorities unclear,
Yet deep in my heart, I know why I’m here.

I sift through the noise, sort urgent from small,
What truly matters, what matters at all?
I pause and reflect, what will this mean
In the light of my faith, the unseen, the serene?

With each task, each step, I seek to align
What echoes forever with the Divine.
But still, there’s a weight I can’t deny—
This pull to do less, the question, “Why?”

Why should I strive when others stand still?
Why climb the extra mile, climb the hill?
Perhaps I’ve quiet quit, in more ways than one,
Just doing enough, until the day’s done.

Yet balance is fragile, this life, a test,
To protect my soul while giving my best.
I find myself torn, between needs and care,
Seeking peace in the midst of this quiet affair.

As the year wanes, I ask with a sigh,
What have I done? How? Why did I try?
In moments of silence, I find what I seek—
A reminder of strength, though I may feel weak.

Quiet quitting, perhaps, is more than it seems,
A way to balance, to cradle my dreams.
But still, I must strive, for in my heart I know,
The true path is where both faith and effort grow.

MAJLIS BERSAMA NAIB CANSELOR BULAN OGOS 2023: 1 Ogos 2023 (Selasa)

Sesi kali ini, antara perkara yang aku belajar dari Datuk NC ialah tentang sikap. Bukan aku tidak faham tentang konsep sikap, tingkah laku dan apa kaitannya dengan tindakan, matlamat dan sebagainya sebelum ini. Tetapi dari kata-katanya membuat aku berfikir tentang “Apakah matlamat yang aku ingin capai?”

“The right attitude cultivates the right behaviour which leads to the desired outcome”

Melihat kembali usiaku yang akan menginjak ke siri 5 beberapa tahun lagi, aku hanya berharap matlamat aku untuk _________ dapat tercapai. Itu impian ramai orang. Tetapi melihat video viral tentang seorang penceramah yang juga pensyarah USIM yang meninggal ketika memberi kuliah subuh, aku tersentak. Dapatkah aku peluang sebegitu?

What doesn’t kill you make your stronger…..

Someone gave me a newspaper article about teachers’ behavior in implementing punishment. This person just wanted my opinion about the right way to punish students. Well, to differentiate what is right or wrong is a bit tricky. It is contextual. But if you want to see punishment from psychological perspectives, in specific operant conditioning (a theory by B. F Skinner), you will see that punishment does not have to be physical.

When I was 10 years old, I was struggling with double digits multiplication. I vividly remember the incident well until now. To cut the long story short, I was called in front of the class with another 3 students. I only remember one out of the three students. One of them is N because she stood on my left side. There was no one standing on my right side. After so many years, the incident seemed like a dream, or more like a nightmare. It felt as if that incident never happened in my life even though sometimes the memory still bugs me once a while. This is what we call as repressed memory. Even though the idea of repressed memory is controversial, but in my case, it is as if subconsciously I purposely wish not to remember it. This is quite logical if we refer to Freud’s defense mechanism of repression.

I never met the teacher again after I left primary school. I know some of my friends had met her once or more than that. I feel there is no need to meet her. I still respect her as a teacher but what she had done is unforgettable. That is for sure. Someone told me that I need to move on. After all, this teacher already passed away. Lesson needs to be learned. Every time I teach a relevant topic, I will use that as an example of what a teacher should not do. In a way, that incident gives me ideas to be a better teacher. For that, I thank her (arwah Cikgu N) for that. Al – fatihah.