Depression is a real deal. If you have a fever, it is common for us to go to see the doctor to get helped. What if you feel “sad” over a prolonged period of time? Saying “Sabar banyak-banyak. Baca Al-Quran. Banyakkan berzikir” [Translated: Be patient. Read the Quran. Recite zikr a lot, continuously] is common. Ironically, that is the common thing any depressed people will hear from people. The thing is you cannot cure depression through that. It is a medical condition which involves and affects the physical or biological functions.
Getting help from professionals is needed. It is a must. I vividly remember the moment I removed my backpack and started to holding to the rail on the bridge on the way to my school. As I looked down on the River Wear below, it felt tranquil. At that time, I desperately needed to feel calm and peace. My mind was not in its right state at that time. Losing my dad few months ago was a tragic that I had to bear on my own. Friends were there at times but I felt lonely.
When I met my supervisor, he knew that something was amiss and urged me to get help. He prompted me to get a break. I nearly broke down when he said that. Looking at his concerned face, I went to get help. It was not easy to overcome and get rid of suicidal thoughts that kept lingering on my mind.
When I came back (without getting my PhD yet), I was not myself. Not many of my colleagues noticed this. Not their fault. I was fighting my own demons. One of the things that I learn is to change my body movement when I start to think “weird” stuff. But little did I expect that some seniors noticed my weird behavior. Rather than concern and empathize, they were not helpful.
Fighting depression on my own is not easy. I learn and am still learning to manage my emotions. It is not easy. This is a struggle that I acknowledge and the battle is still far from the end.