Category: Personal

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Semangat itu pasti…

Perundingan secara dalam talian dengan En Ahmad Fadhli dari Penerbit UTM Press pada 25 May 2022. Perbincangan mengenai penerbitan buku asli. 2 dalam pipeline. Semangat yang berkobar itu memang ada, tapi tidak tahu setakat mana ianya boleh bertahan. Mudah-mudahan impian menerbitkan buku menjadi kenyataan. May Allah ease!

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What sisters are for…

The big sister flew high in the sky.
And made a video call to the little sister, asking the little angel to snap a photo of her flying. And the little sister went … what????
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How to detect Narcissists?


Axl Salvator, Psychologist Specialised On Personality DisordersAnswered 4 years ago · Author has 2.3K answers and 18.7M answer viewsWhat tactics does a narcissist use to manipulate people?

The Manipulation techniques that the narcissist uses to secure the victims trust-love-care-value-respect-commitment-appreciation.

  1. Love Bombing-They will rise the victim to pedestal making him feel special,earning his love,trust,commitment,respect,value,appreciation leaving the victim vulnerable to their charm and love.Basically giving the victim everything that they want and what they need to hear,the victim will drop his guard down and will be convinced that he found his soul mate.He has no idea what will come next and he won’t be ready for it.
  2. Mirroring-A highly manipulative technique used by the Narcissist when they try to secure their Supply.The will basically take your character traits,share your interests,copy your dressing style.Basically with one word they are your other shadow,the victim will be amazed of the things you have in common and how angelic-caring-lovely this catch can be and she is still single and feel the luckiest personality in the world.Basically what the Narcissist is doing he is earning the trust of the victim while hooking him up to their love and care.This opens up the road for the Narcissist when they start to devalue to manipulate you further more with the techniques i will be mentioning below,leaving the victim more hooked on the cycle of abuse.

The Manipulation techniques they use after they secured the love of the victim and they started to devalue.

  1. Devaluation-Once they secured the victims love,trust,value,respect,commitment,appreciation they most likely get bored since they don’t possess the ability to love anyone including themselves or to Empathize with people,they look at people as mere character extensions or objects.The devaluation happens for 2 reasons:1-They simply got bored of you,since they search for drama and excitement and you provide them boredom with your stability and your feelings.2-You saw through that mask or facade and you started rising your opinion while calling them on their actions they now see you as threat to their safety.Once the devalue starts there is no going back,it’s all about the manipulation games to keep the source of supply on the queue.The devaluation is the most eye opening thing that happens to the victim in life,the victim starts to get aware they start to see that the person that they thought they were in love with it never existed,it was an act or illusion presented by the Con Artist(The NPD).The victim has to learn and to find inner strength to move forward,they have to accept the reality that they got manipulated,lied from the Con Artist,they will have severe withdrawal symptoms because of the trauma bond and abuse by the abuser,they will hold on to hope when there is no hope to begin with,they will have to fight constantly with their mindset until they go full No Contact and break off from this abusive drug.
  2. Silent Treatment-When the NPD gets bored from the victim and they start to search for new supplies while devaluing their victim,their biggest weapon is their silence.The silent treatment is a passive aggressive method used by the emotional abuser to neutralize responsibility for their actions,to control the victim further more,to leave the victim confused and to wreck them emotionally.The silent treatment happens when the victim gets the NPD mad calling them on their actions or when the NPD gets bored.The NPD will give you his/her silence to neutralize any attempts of you that you are calling you on their actions,and to come out with a clean slate.This happens when the NPD has secured your love or is on a hunt for new supplies.This can happen gradually or in a one night,it all depends from the abuser,gradually their silence will increase as a form of punishment for being called on their actions.
  3. Diversion aka Stone Walling-Once you start to call them continously on their actions and they refuse everything they will start to get mad and start to punish you not only with their silence but with the Emotional Withhold aka everything that feel’t good for you on the Love Bombing phase.They will withhold emotionally and show no affection at all,you will drive yourself insane,ask them what happened why it happened what did you do,they will never provide any answers,just neutral dull answers,while they enjoy the abuse to the max,every reaction from you will feed them fuel any positive or negative reaction.When you start to ask them do they still feel the same things that they feel’t,they will tell you they don’t know basically leaving you hanging and giving 0 answers.You will ask them what happened they will tell you nothing or i don’t know.When you start bringing the convo about affection they will switch the topic to something else basically they will put a stone wall through you giving 0 answers,the more you seek for closure or answers the less they will give it to you,because that makes them feel power and they will feel important with the control they possess over you.You will leave the conversation more confused and without answers.
  4. Gaslighting aka crazy making at it’s finest-One of their favorite weapon to turn the victim to lunacy leaving them vulnerable and on an emotional wreck.Basically they will slap you today and tell you they didn’t do it tomorrow and act like nothing happened,because deep down inside they know how emotionally you are connected to them and you won’t leave no matter what,because they sniffed your empathic traits while they were testing you on the love bombing phase and trying to see with how much they were able to walk away while crossing your boundaries.You will start to doubt your sanity,your vision because from this point on everything depends to their validation and how they perceive you as a character,because they hooked you up to their love and affection.
  5. Projection aka blame shifting-Once you call them on their actions they will play the victim card come as the innocent one and blame shift it to you basically they will tell you that you are going crazy and they didn’t do tho’s things,and you need to stop overthinking because you will drive yourself nutz.You will end up apologizing for the things that you never said or did and they will be the ones to forgive you.
  6. Discard-Rarely happens by the side of the abuser they like to keep the victims on queue confused for a possible return.Most of the times victims will have enough of the abuse and leave themselves.Most of the times prolonged Silent Treatments are confused with discards. It might rarely happen if the victim is seen as a threat to their safety or mask since they live to keep that mask or facade.
  7. Hoovering-The possible return from the Narcissist to suck you back into the game.They will reappear like nothing happened and try to pick things up where they left them before.They will start to idealize again telling you how much they missed you,they did a mistake,how much you mean’t to them,how stupid they been,they will beg,plead,cling to you so you can take them back since they don’t possess a face or morals.This is an act from the NPD it can happen for a reason basically they are out of new supplies or they wanna test the waters to see if they have an effect to your life.Any reaction from you would feed them fuel or supplies.They might have came for a relationship or a quick fix to make you react.Most of the times if they came for the quick fix they will try to provoke you so you can react in any positive or negative way then they will continue with their silent treatment again.
  8. Smear campaigns and stalking-When toxic types can’t control the way you see yourself, they start to control how others see you; they play the martyr while you’re labeled the toxic one. A smear campaign is a preemptive strike to sabotage your reputation and slander your name so that you won’t have a support network to fall back on lest you decide to detach and cut ties with this toxic person. They may even stalk and harass you or the people you know as a way to supposedly “expose” the truth about you; this exposure acts as a way to hide their own abusive behavior while projecting it onto you.

Some smear campaigns can even work to pit two people or two groups against each other. A victim in an abusive relationship with a narcissist often doesn’t know what’s being said about them during the relationship, but they eventually find out the falsehoods shortly after they’ve been discarded.

Toxic people will gossip behind your back (and in front of your face), slander you to your loved ones or their loved ones, create stories that depict you as the aggressor while they play the victim, and claim that you engaged in the same behaviors that they are afraid you will accuse them of engaging in. They will also methodically, covertly and deliberately abuse you so they can use your reactions as a way to prove that they are the so-called “victims” of your abuse.

The best way to handle a smear campaign is to stay mindful of your reactions and stick to the facts. This is especially pertinent for high-conflict divorces with narcissists who may use your reactions to their provocations against you. Document any form of harassment, cyberbullying or stalking incidents and always speak to your narcissist through a lawyer whenever possible. You may wish to take legal action if you feel the stalking and harassment is getting out of control; finding a lawyer who is well-versed in Narcissistic Personality Disorder is crucial if that’s the case. Your character and integrity will speak for itself when the narcissist’s false mask begins to slip.

  1. Triangulation-Bringing in the opinion, perspective or suggested threat of another person into the dynamic of an interaction is known as ‘’triangulation’’. Often used to validate the toxic person’s abuse while invalidating the victim’s reactions to abuse, triangulation can also work to manufacture love triangles that leave you feeling unhinged and insecure.

Malignant narcissists love to triangulate their significant other with strangers, co-workers, ex-partners, friends and even family members in order to evoke jealousy and uncertainty in you. They also use the opinions of others to validate their point of view.

This is a diversionary tactic meant to pull your attention away from their abusive behavior and into a false image of them as a desirable, sought after person. It also leaves you questioning yourself – if Mary did agree with Tom, doesn’t that mean that you must be wrong? The truth is, narcissists love to “report back” falsehoods about others say about you, when in fact, they are the ones smearing you.

To resist triangulation tactics, realize that whoever the narcissist is triangulating with is also being triangulated by your relationship with the narcissist as well. Everyone is essentially being played by this one person. Reverse “triangulate” the narcissist by gaining support from a third party that is not under the narcissist’s influence – and also by seeking your own validation.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-tactics-and-mechanisms-what-you-describe-aren-t-negotiating-tactics-they-re-games-and-defense-mechanisms-that-people-use-when-they-re-in-a-situation-in-which-they-don-t-want-to-look

When you are the victim of narcissists, help yourself first before attempting to help them. The victims can be badly hit emotionally.

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LSP International Seminar 2021

At the closing ceremony – 7 December 2021.

We had more than 130 participants with more than 30 paper presentations.

We received many positive comments for the quality of the papers and the friendly virtual environment that we provide. This perhaps our first online seminar but certainly not the last. 

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LSP INTERNATIONAL SEMINAR 2021 – Closing Remarks

Photo Credit to PM Dr Siti Jamaliah Bidin (UUM)

Thank you Mr Chairperson.

Bismillahirahanirahim. Assalamualaikum wbt and very warm greetings to everyone.

Alhamdulillah we have come to an end. I would like to begin with a thank you note to

  1. The keynote speaker, Prof. Dr Barry O’Sullivan from the British Council, London.
  2. All Plenary speakers, starting with Prof. Dr Zuraidah Mohd Don from Language Academy, UTM
  3. Assoc Prof Dr. Ian Moodie from Linguistics Association of Korea
  4. Dr Johanna Motteram from Global Assessments, British Council,
  5. Mr Masato Sanpei the Chief Executive Officer of Asia to Japan and
  6. Assoc Prof Kumaraguru Ramayah from Language Academy, UTM
  7. Assoc Prof Dr Hariharan Krishanasamy from JELTA
  8. Ms Hamidah Minhaj from Colgate-Palmolive Asia pacific Limited, Hong Kong
  9. To all Paper presenters and not forgetting the seminar participants.

It has been an honour to have all of you at this seminar.  Thank you for sharing your work, experience, and knowledge and I believe it has been a very fruitful seminar to everyone.

  1. The two-day LSP 2021 International Seminar with the theme “Language in Practice: Making a Difference” aimed to provide the avenue for the discussion and deliberation of pertinent issues related to language use, practice and research in various language for specific purposes contexts.
  2. We have listened to the needs to prepare our young graduates and working adults with the communicative competence and confidence to function effectively to meet the demands of life and work in the 21st Century in various academic, social, employment and professional contexts.
  3. To make a difference and to remain relevant, it is crucial to strengthen human resource potential and communicative competence and capacity in language use.

For these 2 days, we have learned a lot from the papers presented.  I have 8 points to make…LOL… and I am going to make it brief… don’t worry.

  1. Prof Zuraidah has started the ball rolling with the talk on CEFR, we learnt how CEFR has changed the landscape of English language teaching curriculum in Malaysia.  There are, of course, great challenges faced by the Ministry of Education and as well as opportunities.
  2. Dr Moodie’s talk was very informative and made you think what do you teach your students.  DAy in and day out for language teachers are just the same routine. Sometimes we get frustrated when we see there is no improvement in our students, how can we help students increase their wellbeing in 14 weeks for those who are teaching in universities. Nevertheless, with my over 30 years of teaching experience, I believe the goal of our language teaching is not for the short term but more of for the long term.  For example, when I met my former students who are now Professors, Engineers, and etc, they could communicate very well which made me smile. For example, our Dean, Prof Ts Dr Zaidatun Tasir who was the former std of Assoc Prof Dr Halim.  For those who missed the opening ceremony, Prof TS Dr Zaidatun is the Dean of Faculty of Social Sciences and Humanities, who officiated this LSP 2021 seminar. Listening to our former stds, how they communicate, You feel YES, I have done my job. The thing is that the Environment is the key to the success of learning language to communicate, not solely depending on the language classroom.
  3. We then moved to the keynote speech by Prof O’Sullivan, who is not new to most of us, on Assessing English for Academic Purposes in the AI world was very insightful.  How can we use a machine for assessment especially evaluating the speaking component?  Yes, I agree with Barry. A machine is just a machine. Perhaps, we need to humanise the machine, so the machine can recognize the world Englishes.  Therefore, speakers who speak Malaysian English, like me, or Irish English, like Barry or other Englishes will not fail the speaking tests.
  4. For those who intend to work in Japan, would find the talk by Mr Sanpei and Assoc Prof Kumaraguru very useful.  Now, we know the Japanese companies have different criteria for talent recruitment, education per se will not guarantee you a job in Japan. I wish I were young so I could experience working in Japan. However, Leslie Jones said, you can achieve your dreams at any age. 
  5. Dr Motteram’s talk on Long-distance (research) relationships: taking remote work to new lengths had invited many questions from the participants, because of long-distance relationships, but research relationships. It is like an extension of Prof Zuraidah’s talk, the talk was about the research done on English language teaching in higher institutions.  It is intriguing to see how we can integrate Academic, cognitive and relational engagement in the language classroom.
  6. Then we had Assoc Prof Dr Hariharan talking about Technology-Enhanced Language learning in the Realm of LSP.  Before he started, Dr Hariharan highlighted the importance of pragmatic competence, so it is important for the language learners to know what to say, how to say and when to say.  Cultural differences play a crucial role in meaning making.   The research has shown that the use of YouTube videos in teaching English language to hospitality and tourism personnel could motivate the learners, they can watch the YouTube videos as many times as they want.  Thank you to Dr Motteram, who said, technology is a gift to language teachers, with technology teachers can get access to abundance of authentic materials for language teaching.
  7. The importance of effective English communication in the Workplace by Ms Hamidah Minhaj highlighted the importance of good command of English, which can help enhance job mastery, increase effective and confidence in communicating with stakeholders, and also for socializing purposes, because English is the global language. Similar to AP Dr Hariharan, good language and effective communication are two different things. This proves the needs of LSP that is to tailor your language to meet the specific needs of your target audience.  Bear in mind, keep it brief and simple.
  8. Last but not least, technology and the Covid 19 pandemic have changed our norms.  Maybe in future learning online is normal, but not with Face to Face. As Prof Zuraidah mentioned, this virtual world will stay with us. We could not go back to the old way of doing things, but we have to move forward. The question is, how can we address inequality?

Before I end, on behalf of Language Academy, Faculty of Social Sciences and Humanities, UTM, I would like to express my sincere gratitude to Assoc Prof Dr Abdul Halim Abdul Raof and LSP 2021 Seminar team for the excellent job.  We had more than 130 participants with more than 30 paper presentations. Appreciate if you can join me to give them a big hand virtually using emoji. Thank you.

We received many positive comments for the quality of the papers and the friendly virtual environment that we provide. This perhaps will be our first online seminar but certainly not the last. 

Thank you. It has been two days of rollercoaster. We learned a lot and will continue learning.

Let me end this session with a Pantun, but it is in Bahasa Melayu

Kalau ada Sumur di Ladang

Boleh saya menumpang mandi

Kalau ada Umur yang Panjang

Boleh kita berjumpa lagi.

The gist of the pantun is hope to see you again.

We really appreciate your support and hope to see all of you again.  Take care and stay safe.

Thank you.

https://www.facebook.com/humanities.utm/videos/2330098750466753/

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Mesyuarat PIBG Dalam Talian

Sejak Pandemik COVID 19, semua urusan adalah dalam talian, dari pengajaran, pembelian, mesyuarat hinggalah ke mesyuarat PIBG. Mesyuarat PIBG Sekolah Tun Fatimah diadakan secara dalam talian pada 26 September 2021. Kehadiran yang agak memuaskan dan undian ahli PIBG yang baru pun dibuat secara dalam talian. Agak mudah bagi ibubapa untuk hadir mesyuarat PIBG secara dalam talian, cuma tidak dapat bersua dan beramah mesra dengan ahli-ahli yang lain. Setiap sesuatu itu pasti ada yang baik dan kekurangan.

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Pray good things for others

Do you like watching Running Men, the Korean reality series? Watching this program will enable you to study the Korean culture. What stroke me while watching this program was Koreans always wish good things for others, for example, wish businesses go well, wish good health and long life for others. I remind myself to pray and wish good things for others and maybe that is the least I could offer.

When we pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them.

So when you are safe and happy, remember that someone is praying for you.

https://www.quotemaster.org/Praying+For+Others