How to deal with conflicts by Arnold Sanow and Sandra Strauss
Gather your evidence with concrete examples, if possible of exactly what was said, to whom, and other specifics related to the incident. You’ll stand on much firmer ground with facts rather than hearsay.
Whether you can document the situation or must rely on rumors or other reports, discuss the remarks openly with them. Use a calm, gentle tone and ask them to specify whatever accusations they’ve made: “Britney, I’d appreciate you clearing up some confusion. It’s come to my attention that you said (describe the content). Please tell me what you mean.”
Give them a graceful exit. If they deny their actions (and they probably will) let it go by saying, “Oh, I’m glad to hear that the information given to me was an exaggeration and you didn’t mean it as criticism.” This also serves as a subtle warning that you’re on to their games. Don’t argue if they deny their intent to harm.
Tell them the behavior you expect in the future. “Next time, let me know exactly how you feel before discussing this with anyone else”
If you actually did make a mistake in accusing them of the particular behavior or incident, apologize. Providing an apology is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Lesson to learn from Money Heist, season 5, is you have to remain calm, be yourself and don’t think about giving in when you are in a crisis. In one episode, there were two gangs with gunpoint at each other. None retracted their gun, because once they gave in, they would lose. As long as they did not give in, they had a chance to win. In that kind of situation, it is either both win or both lose. And, you choose to win or to lose.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
Stephen R. Covey
This is the real challenge in communication, when people listen not for understanding but more of for attacking. If this happens, we will face communication break down. People who don’t like listening to others, will not give a chance for others to explain. In any kind of argument, we always hear people said ‘listen, listen, listen..’ because everybody wants to talk but not to listen.
The founder of this association is Duncan Stevens, who is the leading keynote speaker in the UK and US. Besides, he is also an author of the best-selling book ‘Effective Influence’ and one of the worlds’ leading authorities on influence and persuasion.
Visit Duncan’s website if you wish to learn how to be more influential, persuasive and effective.
I found this video very inspirational. Simon Sinek started off with the golden circle, that is, three questions to ask, what, how and why? The most important is WHY. Why you do it? He said that we follow those who share with us what they believe in and give us the answer to the why question. And he distinguished leaders from those who lead, ‘Leaders hold a position of power or authority. but those who lead inspire us’. We follow those who lead not because we have to but because we want to. The punchline is we follow not for them but for ourselves.