Don’t be Judgemental …

This is the story about Khidr and Prophet Musa (Moses) a.s. taken from the Quran (verses 70-82, Al-Kahf).

70. He (Khidr) said, ‘ then if you follow me, ask me not about anything till I myself mention of it to you.’

71. So they both proceeded, till, when they embarked the ship, he scuttled it. Musa said, ‘have you scuttled it in order to drown its people? Verily, you have committed a thing Imr (a Munkar – evil, bad, dreadful thing)’

72. He (Khidr) said, ‘did i not tell you that you would not be able to have patience with me?’

73. Musa said, ‘call me no to account for what I forgot, and not hard upon me for my affair (with you)’

74. Then they both proceeded, till they met a boy, and he killed him. Musa said, ‘have you killed an innocent person who had killed none? Verily, you have committed a thing Nukr (a great Munkar – prohibited, evil, dreadful thing)

75. He said, ‘did I not tell you that you have no patience with me?’

76. Musa said, ‘if I ask you anything after this, keep me not in your company, you have received an excuse from.’

77. Then they both proceeded, till, when they came to the people of a town, they asked them for food, but they refused to entertain them. Then they found therein a wall about to collapse and he set it up straight. Musa said, ‘if you had wished, surely, you could have taken wages for it.’

78. He said, ‘this is the parting between me and you, I will tell you the interpretation of (those) things over which you were unable to hold patience.’

79. ‘As for the ship, it belonged to Masakin (poor people) working in the sea. So i wished to make a defective damage in it, as there was a king behind them who seized every ship by force.’

80. ‘And for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared lest he should oppress them by rebellion and disbelief.’

81. ‘So we intended that their Lord should change him for them for one better in righteouness and nearer to mercy.’

82. ‘And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town, and there was under it a treasure belonging to them, and their father was a righteous  man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strenght and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord. And I did them not of my own accord. That is the interpretation of those over which you could not hold patience.’

It is a nice story indeed, isn’t it? The most important is the lesson that we can learn from the story. As a human being, we can’t read one’s mind. Often, we don’t know the intentions that lie in one’s action, therefore, we should avoid being judgemental.

Communication is Built on Trusting Relationships – Dale Carnegie

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Dale Carnegie. 1993. The Leader in You.  New York: Pocket Books

  1. For years loudness was equated with toughness. Stubbornness was equated with superior knowledge. Argumentativeness was equated with honesty. We should all – supervisor and employee, parent and child, teacher and student – be grateful those days are finally coming to an end. (P26)
  2. The ability to communicate well is what lights the fire in people.  It’s what turns great ideas into action. It’s what makes all achievement possible. (P27)
  3. “I’ve known a lot of engineers with terrific ideas who had trouble explaining them to other people. It’s always a shame when a guy with great talent can’t tell the board or a committee what’s in his head.” Lee Iacocca. (P31)
  4. If you can show your colleagues you are receptive to their ideas, they’re more likely to be receptive to yours – and to keep you honestly informed about the things you need to know.  Show that you care about the future of the organisation and that you care as much about them.  And don’t limit those displays of concern to your co-workers. Communicate the same genuine caring to your customers and your clients too. (P32)
  5. Follow Retton’s advice: “Being down-to-earth and humble is extremely important.  I just try to put people at ease.  Everybody’s the same.  I think everybody is on a certain level, whether you are the CEO of a company or a salesperson.  It’s just a different job.”  That’s what creating a receptive environment is all about: putting people at ease. (P35).
  6. Once people do take the risk telling you what they think, don’t punish them for their openness. Do nothing – absolutely noting – to discourage them from taking the risk to communicating again.  (P37)
  7. “If an employee makes a suggestion that  I don’t agree with, then I have to be very delicate about the way in which I tell them I don’t agree,” … “I want to encourage them to come back to me the next time and make another suggestion.  Now, I told some of the people on my staff that I may disagree with them ninety-nine times out of a hundred, but I want them to keep coming to me with their views. That’s what they get paid for.  The one time out of a hundred is going to be of value, and I’m not going to view them as any weaker because I disagree with them the other times” Fred J. Sievert, chief financial officer of the New York Life Insurance Company. (P37)

The Leader in You – Dale Carnegie (1993)

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The leaders of tomorrow will have to establish a real vision and sense of values for the organisations they wish to lead. These leaders will have to communicate and motivate far more effectively than did leaders of the past. They will have to keep their wits about them through conditions of near-constant change. And these leaders will have to mind every ounce of talent and creativity that their organisations possess – from the shoop floor to the executive suite.

 

 

Dale Carnegie. 1993. The Leader in You. USA: Pocket Books. Pg 2